Misunderstood and Accusation

Know the feeling of being accused... being verbally attacked?

Was I just too sensitive about it? I am not so sure. It just felt like I was under attack and I couldn't defend myself. Now that I think about it. I am not going to take back what I said. That is what I think and if it doesn't suits her, then that is her problem. I should not be bothered by it.

Another matter is with the recent accusation of the suspicion of me being planted with some curse. What kind of bullshit is that? And then trying to get me to go to this someone who is said to be able to detect the curse and remove it. I am not going. No way. Like another someone has told me, if I feel fine, then I shouldnt even give this a thought.

Hmm.. Sometimes knowing more is not necessarily better.

Suddenly

I was suddenly overwhelmed by the resentment of certain attitudes...

But.. I concluded that I am actually not resentful but jealous. Jealous of other people's good fortune.

I wish I can win the lottery so that I dont have to worry financially for some time period. But this is just me being a lazy bum. I am becoming more and more lazy actually. Sheeeshhh...

So.. being a lazy bum, I am also very dependent on others and I expect people to be totally supportive of me. I get frustrated when I feel that there isnt enough support. Darn.. I know I shouldnt...

What's wrong with me?

Up till now, each time I tell people about my financial problem... About how I have to pay for so many things at the end of each month. End of the month isntead of the beginning of each month because my salary comes out at the end of the month and it is almost gone before the start of the month. Makes sense?

Anyways... despite of not paying for my petrol (actually, i do sometimes)... I still manages to drain all my salary.

Almost everyone I have talked about this critisized me and suggested that i cut down on this and that. Anything that I am paying is my own fault that I am paying for it and so I should not have handphone. I should not have Astro. I should not have eaten so much food. That way, I will definitely be able to save money.

Handphone. No need to have it. Why pay for the handphone charges? Pointless!

Astro. You dont need the luxury of having Astro. Cancel it! Who ask you to pay for the two decoder account. Wait! Now I am paying for three decoders. Stupid! You dont watch so dont subscribe.

Food. Why go out to eat? Prepare your own food. Bring your own food. Why spend the money outside?

What? I also give money to my younger brother? That one you should. It is your responsibility.

Time to retaliate.

Handphone? no need for it? Dont joke with me. People blame me when they cant contact me because my handphone ran out of power. So imagine if i dont have a handphone. Then, you wills ay use less. Call less. Dont use the registered line that you use now. Yea, right! Previously when I was using prepaid, even though I live with rm50 each month. Half of the time I was suffering of low credit because I had to make calls to Brunei and Peninsular Malaysia. I was blamed for not reloading my handphone credit. Now... I am using registered line - my expenditure is abut rm60 each month. I consider this as a necessity and reasonable for me.

Astro? I dont watch? This house is supposed to be my house. My sanctuary. I am willing to pay for my decoder. But the other two? People said that I am stupid to pay for that two. So stupid. Yea, I am. But i am not paying for it this month. No more.

Food. Prepare the food myself? You are supposed to go out to buy the food before you can actually prepare the food. So... it is supposed to be cheaper. Great... I still need to pay for them and I dont feel any cheaper. Get my mum to prepare me food? Quite some time ago, she did that and I had food poisoning twice in the same year due to the 'freshness' of the food. I am phobia-tic of overnight food now. i spend twice the amount on food whenever younger brother come back home.

My responsibility to give him the money? Why is it only reponsibility when I also have an odler brother who gives none to him? who also do not give his share fo the Astro payment.

My monthly frustration. Each month I look at all the bills in teh house and have to deal with all that. I ask for financial help and I got none. None!

There was a time when I was completely broke. I straight forward spoke out that I am totally broke. And guess what? I was completely ignored. My younger brother also voiced out that he is broke a short while after I have mentioned my situation and get the money instantenously. What the fuck?

Air tickets... I have been purchasing younger brother's tickets to come home and basically get none of my money back. What? What is that talk about paying me back? I dont see any!

I am thankful for the sponsorship for straightening my hair...the allowance when I went travelling to Korea... even the offer to get me a new handphone..

I have decided that I will not be paying for Astro this month. Not money to younger brother too. I am too broke. I have once again drain all of my cash before the new month has even arrived. Within one day, my salary is totally gone. I am following the advice of you people. I will not give any to anything else if I cant afford it. Fine. Then this is what I am doing

But I cant help to feel so frustrated and agitated when my parents messaged me a sms of someone's details. expecting that I know what the hell they are talking about. telling me to buy a over rm1000 air ticket for them.

I am just so agitated now. I am just so upset now. This is once-a-month thing. I hate it.

Parenting

Listened to a conversation between my friend and her friend during breakfast this morning. It made me realise something about having children.

I guess first-timer mum usually worried about the pain of giving birth to the baby. I dont deny that the pain involved during the process of giving birth and then the pain during the recovery time. But this painful experience will be nothing to be afraid of once it is over... unless there is some other complication during the second and coming birth-giving.

Anyways, what is more important is the process of raising the child. Ohmigosh...the trauma at this stage is greater than during child-birth and it will never end. Just thinking about this is so scary.

But I still want to get married and have babies. haha...

Different Perspective

I was looking through the pictures I took in Seoul this afternoon. It reminded me of something. Something that I havent been able to express.

I hate the pictures that I asked people to take of me.

Usually, I will think of how I look and hate it but this is different.

When I take a picture, I will consider the view as well. Example, at Nami Island, where you can take picture of the pine trees along the path... the scenes of the famous Korean drama, Winter Sonata... I will capture the scenery of the trees with the people in it so that when u look at it, you will definitely see and know where that place is.

But guess what? My picture of me, so close up and with a bit of tree trunks at the side. How in the world am I supposed to say that that is where the drama is filmed. It is so shitty.

Then there is also this tour guide who kept urging other people to walk quickly and then she herself asked people to take picture of her and then kept telling people that you will have chance to take pictures later. But then.... where got?! She asked people to take picture of her and then urge people to walk quickly to the next place. Where is that chance to take pictures? So fucked up.

The so-called 'please roam around freely yourself' is not true at all. Why urge me to follow around when you say 'please roam around freely yourself' It is just so... fucked up.

Awkward

I guess I am still quite socially shy. I just simply do not know how to talk to people I am not close to.

Actually, even if I am close to someone, I think there will be some day that I am off, disconnected from them.

Recently, I am faced with some financial difficulties. I have anticipated that I will be spending quite an amount of cash on a few things in this month. I should just enough to cover for the expenses but one huge expense came up and disrupt my not-very-perfect spending plan.

I tried to hint my Dad that I will be totally broke but I guess he is broke as well because he didnt bother to give me any cash. Kind of disappointed because of this. I guess I prefer that he at least showed that he gets my hint.

Anyways, I am extremely grateful that my bad debt has gone alive and they have decided to pay me afterall. So... I am not totally broke. I am still surviving financially.

Exam jitters

Still have eight more modules to go. All together there are nine modules and I have just finished one modules. I have exactly two weeks left. Shit!

I am worried that:
- I will not be able to finish reading everything in two weeks
- I will not be able to understand what I am reading
- I will not be able to pass this paper

I am also worried that I will not able to complete my CPA Mentor Program. I am not sure about my future. Not sure what I should do. I feel as if I am stuck. I cant make up my mind of what to do.

This is so shitty.

Irresponsible People

I just witness a case of irresponsibility.

See... My house garbage bin is placed outside of the house, at the driveway...Between the house and the road, there is this big drain.

My neighbour... neighbour's relative, to be exact... reversed the car and knocked over my house garbage bin and caused the bin cover to fall into the drain. At such situation, normally I would try to retrieve the cover and put it back.

But guess what? The guy just waved it off and left! Ohmigosh. What the hell?

I am now going to have to retrieve the cover from the drain before it gets washed away. Fucking irresponsible people!

Saggy

Hmm.. This is kind of personal. As in PERSONAL.

BODY PERSONAL.

hehe... Someone... someone I know. Someone I am not close to though. She made me feel that I should be worrying about my... err... my... err... yea, cant say / write it out.

Erm... Having the right attire is so important, really. The right one will make the whole person looks different.

This will be a not-make-sense post.

Just heard that the company annual dinner date has been decided. It felt so.. sudden. I hope it will be somewhere nice and we can have loads of fun. I am feeling a lost of connection with some people already.

Which reminds of a person. I find myself unable to understand why our friendship has gone to such a state. I have no idea how to salvage it either.

Hey Mickey!

Just heard from the radio this song ... that I have forgotten the name but I remember the theme for the video is cheerleading. That is just so retro.

Sort of reminded me of the time in St Columba when the principal decided to hold an audition to recruit some junior cheerleaders. I remember looking at the senior cheerleaders and thinking that they look really cool.

It was something like from the tv drama where the freshmen was so envious of the cheerleaders. I guess I had a little taste of such situation in my high school years. Seems hilarious now though.

Anyways, I didnt made it into the cut. I guess I have really bad hand and legs coordination. Actually, I confirmed this when I went to play arcade many years later. My coordination sucks.

Err.. Though I didnt made it into the cheerleading, the principal kept all the students during the practice and got us (the ones who didnt make it) to make pom-poms. We dont have the financial budget so we had to improvise using ... tali rafia? I didnt know we can actually do that. But it is quite...heavy(?). Not the best pom-poms but they (the cheerleaders) will have to make do with it.

Ah! Not only the pom-poms, we also dont have proper uniforms, just a tailor-made short skirt.

Then... the other day at this concert, there was this cheerleading group. I guess they have the full package, uniforms and pom-poms... They are lucky. :p

bickering

it is funny. the incident. I actually encountered it before but I think I have never really said it outloud. Why have i never say it outloud? I guess it is because I was trying to stay out of the way and not to be in the way of other ppl's business.

Somehow, I just couldnt stand it anymore. I was too annoyed.

Ah! The poor man rich man syndrome. So frustrating. so contradicting. I wonder if they even know about it.

I shouldnt be lecturing about this anyways. Zipped my mouth.

Anyone?

A few months ago, I was helping out this company to do their accounts. I find their items on sale quite interesting. In fact, I was so interested that I actually wanted to introduce some friends to go there and purchase the items.
The items I was talking about is actually bathrooms and kitchens’ essentials. Examples… stainless steel sinks, porcelain bathroom sinks, kitchen water tap, bathroom water tap, shower heads etc.
These items really fascinate me because they are so pretty. Some of them are quite contemporary too. I almost consider to purchase one of the kitchen water taps. But my friend stopped me. Apparently, the price range of this company is at a higher range than other company. Which means I can actually get lower price at other places than at this particular company. Hmmm… Too bad for them.
Talking about water tap, my main concern is actually its life span. I find that water tap will get ruined after a certain usage time. My current one is somewhat ugly because of the ruined cap and the filter is torn so the water doesn’t flow smoothly out of the tap. I am seriously thinking of replacing this tap but just couldn’t find the time to do it. Anyone want to volunteer to do it for me?

Weakening resolution

i think my resolution is getting weaker and weaker. which is like really bad because I really need to keep it up.

I need to continue reminding myself of what I want to achieve.

Then, I am also worried of the fact that I seems to be quite lost about what to do about my future. my future.. i mean the 5-year plan. My current plan is almost at its end. I have achieved...well, still in the process of achieving... what I need to achieve.

Ah! Be strong!

Black-painted fingernails

He once told me that black fingernails doesnt suit me. I dont have 'it' to carry such look.

I still wonder what is this 'it' that he means.

But one thing though... whenever I hold that bottle of black nail polish, I will think about this. I will think of what he said and I will put the nail polish back without painting my nails.

Delusion

I must be really desperate or something.

Anyways... I think I need to write this down to make sure that I will not be thinking too much about it. Write it and be done with it.

Erm...Know what? This is too scattered to write down. It will not make sense. In fact, this post is starting to make no sense.

My the other blog is... where I really put a lot of effort to make sure what I write make sense but here... I want to write whatsoever even if it doesnt make sense. So..here goes..

Look of self-disgust
Look of envy
Shots of embarassment
Stop staring!

I look at myself with disgust.
The layer of fats... I dont look flattering at all.
I envy those people who are slim and... most possibly healthy.
I hope my determination to slim down will last... honestly...

Then...there is this thought of this possibility although I kept telling myself that it is an impossible. Kind of shitty really.

Ah! I am going to sleep. Sleep it off.

Another frustration

These days, I think it is all about bottled-up frustration. I find myself keeping all my negative thoughts inside me because I dont want to bore people with my frustrations. I also feel that people arent been understanding of me.

How so?

Been boring to other people. Believe it or not, I am a person who wants to please others. I want to be interesting to me. Thus, I dont want to keep repeating things that I have said before or do things that I think will make people hate me.

Then again, recently, I have been, sort of, contradicting myself. Example, I dont curse because it is an act of a well-mannered girl. But then, in my previous post, the word 'fuck' came out repetitively. So, I guess I am not as well-mannered as I thought I am. Errr... actually, my vocabulary on vulgar words is quite limited.

Ah! My thoughts are so mixed at the moment.

About the part of people not been understanding of me... One situation is if I finally broke down. I have given up. I cant go on anymore. I decided to get some comfort from someone. But then, it frustrates me when this person, instead of supporting me (as in agreeing with me), criticizes me for being not keeping up with what I am sick of doing. All the blame is on me. Effect of this situation is that I dont dare to seek for comfort from other people anymore. I am keeping it in me. Bottled it up.

My upbringing has made me a person I am today. But my surroundings has affected me as well. i feel so much like a two-faced person.

Hmmm... I am becoming more and more frustrated at this moment. Cant continue to write. Darn...

Frustration

Back from hiatus, I guess.

Right after the rush to the deadline, cousins have flocked to Miri for holidays. Been busy with that.

Many things I want to pour out about. But I am worried I might lose all the thoughts before i can even write it out.

One. The most recent one.

What with your complaining about that interest? Not happy? Fine! I will pay for it. I will even pay you extra. Happy now? You should be. Now pay what you owe me. It is ridiculous that I should suffer because of what you did. Where did all the promises gone to? PAAAYYYY!!!!!

Second. Related to the first one.

What are those talks about how I should sacrifice. I should help as much as I can. FUCK! I CANT DO IT. I keep helping and helping and helping and I cant FUCKING complain about it. I CANT FUCKING say out what I feel. I CANT FUCKING express my opinions about things. Everything I say is like CRAP to you. No one is willing to understand me. They say they do but turns around and tell me to keep helping. FUCK!!!!

So fine, I am not complaining about it. I am not talking about it. I will protest with strategy.

The midnight call from me who was stranded at the roadside.
The delay in inquiring for certain something.
The delay in fixing certain something.

My way of showing my dissatisfaction. But I dont think it is enough. I want to say it all out but everyone is NOT WILLING to hear it out. Oh yea... NOT WILLING. You can pretend to say that you are willing and all but all you do after that is to patronise me as if I have done so much wrong. That everything that I been protesting about is wrong. I should continue to sacrifice myself. FUCK the willingness. You are just the same.

Another thing. What is wrong with going to the same place again and again? Tell me. What is wrong with that?

You patronised me for going to the same place to shop. Told me that there is nothing to shop there. Nothing to see there. Already gone once, why go again. And then, what happen? You yourself go to the same place. You yourself go to the same place (over and over again) to shop. What the fuck?

So, what's now? I can't tell anything. I can't say anything to anyone. As if everyone has deserted me. You expect me to save and scrimp for people who will spend it all on themselves.

Ah! Should I also mentioned that it has reached a point where you no longer care of my safety? How I wish I will get killed instantly in a car accident. How I wish. I dont have to face all this.

Perhaps I am depressed. Perhaps the loneliness at home, no, this house has finally caught me and is killing me inside.

Home. There is no home anymore. This is just a house. Not home. You said I should take care of the house since I am living in it. Where is the money to take care of it? From me again?

Money is root to all evils. I am a slave for money. I want to spend all the money I earn on myself. I want others to give me money to spend. I faithfully give my share of the responsibility each month. I even give more than I should. And what do I get in return? Pay more. Give more. More patronising for not saving any money.

Each month I am at the verge of crying when I see that I have to give away so much as soon as I receive my pay. Today salary in, today all gone.

Last month, I managed to save up a huge portion due to the bonus. Then, that is also all gone because I have to GIVE MORE.

Money is a strain to me. It is my ONLY security and I dont have it.

I cant tell anyone of this. Cant. All they say is I should keep giving because that is what I should do. What keep within my limit? What limit? Every time I have saved up a bit, they will take it all. What limit? I cried out that I dont have any to spend anymore. What they do? They give more money to someone else and none... I repeat. NONE... for me.

The car. It is grandpa's car. The car that he took so much care of when he was alive. It is now like crap. They blamed me for not taking care of it. How am I supposed to do it if I dont have the resource. When I mentioned anything about fixing the car or anything wrong with the car, I am ignored as if I am talking nonsense. Take care of the car. I wish I can but it is not in my power. Do you think I dont want it to be good as new? Do you think I want it to become a crap car?

If I hadnt called when I was stranded at the roadside at 2am, I would be still driving a car that will die on me any minute. You patronised me for calling at such ungodly hour. But do you realise that this is the only way for me to get attention, to get people to actually care and anxious enough to fix the car?

Save your sympathy. I am too bitter to see your sincerity. All I can think of is how you will say that my thoughts are wrong. I have seen it far too many times.

Finish.

The 'you' and 'they' are referring to different people at different time.

Break from hiatus

Taking a break from taking a break...

I have a few things that I want to blog about but... somehow, the words just wouldnt come out. I cant find the right word to express it... It is so weird.

Currently working overtime and overloading myself... Feeling as if I am getting more and more unhealthy...

Ok, back to being on hiatus again. Another week to go.

One word

Hiatus

Glimmer of hope

I wonder if it is wrong to put such hope on such thing.

I know he is not the right one for me. I know I might blow up if I cant stand his attitude. I know both of us have the temper that can rival each other. I know in many ways, both of us will not be able to match each other. Both of us have expectation of our soul mate that is different.

Somehow... I sort of wish for him to, perhaps, think of me as a potential soul mate.

I think I am just getting emotional from the song that I am listening to...Bleh..

Lazy bones

Hmm... It has just been a few days after my exam...

I am not sure how will I fare this time. I am kind of worried. Erm... This time, the case study seems to be very confusing. Although I didnt really spent a lot of time to study, I have went thru the whole case study quite throughoutly... Still, I am still praying that it is enough. The questions in the exam were ... I dont know how to explain but I sure hope that I did it right.

After this exam, I am supposed to focus on my side income work. The work has been piling and left aside since I had to concentrate on studying for the exam. Now, I only have about one and half month to complete it all.

I havent been hardworking to complete the work... which is really bad...

That's all...

I Love You

Went to attend a seminar last weekend. During the seminar, the speaker encouraged everyone to express their love to their parents.

Call your parents after this. Tell them that you love them.

My parents were sitting next to me during the seminar. I saw my Mum crying because she couldnt tell her parents that she loves them because they have passed away. My Dad... I cant tell if he was sleeping or he was crying as well (If he is sleeping, it is totally forgivable because he had been driving for a very long distance that morning so he must be very tired).

I didnt say anything to my parents after the first session of the seminar.

To tell the truth, I am not inspired at all by the speaker. I am not motivated at all.

To say that I dont love my parents is also not true. I love them. I miss having them around. But I just dont say it outloud.

I guess the stress from work and everyday life have made me different. I get more and more impatient with things and get angry and annoyed easily....

Hmmm... Anyways... I did call my Mum to tell her that I love her two days later. Still haven't say that to Dad yet. :p

27 dresses

After quite some time, I finally get to watch 27 Dresses... the movie about a girl who became the bridemaid for 27 weddings before her wedding.

I admire the way she manage everything in between her work and accompanying the bride-to-be during the preparation of the wedding.

Love some of the dresses that she has...

Envy her body...

I just cant believe one thing. The fact that I actually have to divide the movie to three parts... I got to watch it in three different time because I dont have enough time to watch it in one go.

Scared

Those who knows my living condition will understand this.

My mum just told me about the latest robbery tactic... that is to get a kid to cry outside the house and then ask the people in the house to open the door and come out to help the kid and the robbers will appear when the door is opened.

If... erm... let's not think about it... There must not be any at all...

I am so scared now. I want to go hide in my room now. Why she has to tell me this?!? At this time of the night somemore.... Shit la!

Perhaps I should quit

I have been accepting a few personal assignments and right now, I think I should quit all of them. Cant seems to find the time to do them. And I dont want to put myself in a difficult situation.

It seems like I am not doing very well this beginning of the year.

Feel so drained at the moment. I want to be more carefree. Dont want to think about too many things.

Held myself back

I nearly shouted at her. Nearly wanted to tell her that I dont want to do it anymore. Nearly wanted to tell her that she is getting very annoying.... But I didnt. I held in..

Must do something to make my luck turn better... Feel like everything is very bad at the moment...

Looking forward to this praying ritual thingy..going to be soon. I cant wait actually...

Talked to Grand Uncle this morning... Felt like I am the mat salleh speaking chinese. but I am speaking hokkien, a dialect that I should mastered but I didnt... Gosh... it was so weird...

Thought I am turning into an insomniac but I am getting sleepy so Good News!! Haha...

Fudge!!

Contrary to what you might think... Fudge that I am saying is not the dessert type of fudge.... It is... FUDGE!!!

It is a replacement of another word... It just popped into my mind.

Anyways, the 'creature' I am saving now is almost recovered. I hope there will be no complication but... my senior told me that I will need to go into habitat of the 'creature.'

Geezz... Have to sit rigidly in a room full of people that I dont know and be really professional looking. I am already dreading it...

Why?!?!?

It seems like a lot of responsibilities are placed on to me....

Which reminds me of the incident on Friday. I am quite pissed off by it. I was already rushing thru this 'save the creature' project and yet this more-senior-than-me person told a junior to come and tell me to help the junior to attend a client. I was immediately confused because CAN'T SHE SEE THAT I AM RUSHING THS PROJECT? WHAT HAPPEN TO THE OTHERS? CANT THEY ATTEND THE CLIENT. I AM RUSHING A PROJECT THAT IS DUE THIS FUDGING MONTH. WHAT DUE DATE IS THE OTHERS RUSHING MONTH? FUDGING APRIL AND JUNE. WHICH IS MORE URGENT? MINE OR THEIR. SO FUDGING STUPID!

Fine... I attended the client. FUDGE! Damn long-winding client. SHE THINKS SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS WORKING IN B. AND NOT EARNING WELL BECAUSE B.'S ECONOMY IS NOT DOING WELL. Told her that she can go and make a cheaper travelling pass and she told me that it is too risky and all the other shit talk. Gave a lot fudging shit talk that I wish I can slap her and tell her to fudging grow up and be her own age.

Argh... As someone who is more senior than I am, should she be more aware of the fact that my project is so much urgent than the rest that I need to be given the time to do it instead of telling me to attend such client who wasted one hour of my time.

OHMIGOSH... I AM SO FUDGING PISSED OFF.

Saving the creatures

I feel like I have been placed in a position whereby I have to be the saviour. I am not trying to say that as if I am being very godly or nice or anything good... It is a strain to me.

I cant exactly say out what I am facing... so I am characterising that this thing is called little creatures...

There are a few troubled creatures... Messed-up creatures... Somehow, I always end up being the one saving these creatures... Cleaning them up... Making them ok... So far, I think I have saved quite a few. Somehow, I feel like the others arent doing the same as I am... Those that does the same are still in the mid process and doesnt seems to be progressing at all. I dont know if not progressing at all is good or progressing quickly like mine is better...

Frustration.

Then... I feel like I am losing my purpose of life again. I am forgetting what are my goals. I feel so upset and... I dont know. I am getting too weird nowadays.

Down

Been busy lately... Busy with work... And still feel like there isnt enough time.

Sort of feeling very down now.. Actually I have anticipated that Mum will disapprove. I know that she thinks that I travel to KL too much though I dont think I have gone there that often. Total time of me being in KL is only four? Four times... Not much what...

I know I should be saving money... for whatever reason. I really have no idea how I can drain all of my cash each month... Even now, when it is just mid of the month, I am already almost out of cash... The cash I have with me isnt exactly mine... Hmm... I do believe that my final portion of bonus is coming out in April... Cant wait for it... then there is the overtime pay...

Argh... Maybe I shouldnt have agreed to buying such an expensive digital camera... It totally drained me...Regrets...

Feel so demotivated now...

Ill again

It seems to be a trend each year. Year 2006 was the year I kept getting food poisoning. Three food poisonings to be exact. Then year 2007 was the year I had pretty bad cases of headache. Year 2008 started with me getting ill from different illnesses such as fever, flu, cough etc.

Really need to be more healthy... But... life is getting more busy for the first half of the year... my job requires a lot of time and so... I dont know how will I survive this year.

Perhaps I should persuade Mumsie to stock me with alfalfa wheatgrass tablets and vitamin C tablets.

Frustration

I am frustrated... My download for 8vs1 is so slow that it always download halfway and give up. Thus, an incomplete file. So frustrating. I dont know what is wrong. The other files seems to do well.

I am going to keep trying to get it all.

Manage your debts

When we think of debt…inability to pay off the debt… we will think that bankruptcy is the last resort. Suffer thru the bankruptcy and then come out of it as a new man again. But who would want to go on living with such financial restriction? There are actually so many other ways to get out of debts.
I first heard of debt consolidation from a television show. The television show is about people who gotten themselves so much in debt that they are in a serious financial problem. The counselor helped them to realize the causes of their situation and how to stop themselves from getting more into debt. At the same time, the counselor also helped them to find some other way to make extra cash to pay off their debts.
I think this is a very interesting issue because not everyone has the knowledge about this. Then, I read about Individual Voluntary Arrangements (IVA). It is a better alternative to bankruptcy as one can actually cut their debt by half and freeze the interest. What is more is that it can actually stop the creditors from going after you. There is so much stress from having the creditors calling and asking for payments every now and then. I will break down if I am faced with such pressure.
Overall, there are so many ways to handle debts. We should always try to look for different options.

Good or Bad Luck

It is believed that there is a different luck brought in by dogs and cats when they entered your house compound.

If a dog enter the house compound, it is believed that it bring good luck.

If a cat enter the house compound, it is believed that it bring bad luck.

This only applies to dogs and cats that do not belong to you.

My house recently is visited by my neighbour's dogs. They love to hang out at my house so much that they have in fact crashed thru my wire mesh which I have reinforced for the third time so far. Sigh...

I sure hope that good luck will come rolling my way now...

SOCSO?

I have always wondered what if someone get injured in my workplace. What sort of security do we have for this? In Malaysia, employer and employee are required to contribute a small amount each month for SOCSO, a government organization that will pay compensation to the employee in the case of a workplace injury. Truthfully, I have never heard or seen anyone claim for it.
Perhaps for my line of job, there isn’t any serious injury that can happen. But what about those that work in dangerous places. The lady in the payment counter for basement parking at this shopping centre, which is still under renovation, she has to suffer the dust from the construction for the whole day. Think of the dust that she is inhaling every day. I don’t think a person with asthma history can sit in her place and work. She has to wear a mouth mask in order to not inhale the dust. Guess she is a good candidate to claim for compensation should she develop asthma or other personal injury.
But does she know her right? That is why it is always good to have people who are specializing in claiming compensation to help. These specialists can actually create awareness to the public that they can claim for some compensation for the pain that they suffer.

Fighting Spirit

I feel as if I have lost my fighting spirit. The spirit to work hard for money. At 5pm, after work, when I am alone in the car, I feel so tired and wash-out. Every morning, when I am getting ready to work, I feel tired and sleepy.

I also sort of lose interest in the things that used to excite me so much...

p/s: I am still into Tohoshinki btw.

Lighten up, myself!

Training

There is this one time long ago that Denny asked me to get for him a cassette for networking sale motivation. I told him that I saw it on sale somewhere and I remembered him when I saw it. He wanted it when I told him about it. It costs him quite a bit of money but he said it is worth it as the speaker is someone with high caliber in this industry. I guess I can say that he was trying to get trained to do sales before he steps into the working world and start practicing what he has learned. Perhaps he should also go for some Sales Courses .
Even now, I think we still need to go through training to upgrade ourselves in order to compete with others. Time is possibly the only thing that is in the way as there is always not enough time to do things… Guess it is entirely up to us to grab the opportunity when it is there.

Nodame Cantabile Special

Recommended to watch!

But first of all, got to make sure that you watch the whole series first. Otherwise, you will not understand all the flashbacks that the characters have.

I am so glad that Chiaki Senpai finally admits that he truly does love Nodame despite of her eccentric personality.

Gyabo!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Many people do not realise that the medical world is just not just about treating illnesses or accidents. Yes, it was labeled as the "gorry" job. What a wrong perception altogether! Nowadays, medical profession is also seen as the "beauty surgeon". Plastic surgeons are coming up like mushrooms after a rainfall. Breast Augmentation is no longer something new to many. It is now the "in thing", especially in the world of the rich and glamour. One can easily get her boobs fixed. After all, a girl has all the freedom she has to pursue her beauty. Beauty may be very subjective but it also an effort. There is a saying that goes, there is no ugly girl, but only lazy girls. Cosmetic surgery is no longer an alien - it is just like another friend which comes by at one time in your life. Yes, no doubt there are many risks when the surgery is concerned, but is there not any risk in other medical procedure as well? The risks would always be there, but it is up to the plastic surgeon and his or her client to make the wisest decision for the client. No matter how one tries to deny it, cosmetic surgery is going to take over the beauty scene sooner than you expect.

CSI

Nowadays, I am trying to finish watching my CSI series... But each time I am eating while watching the show, I feel kind of disgusting. Why?

Cause the crime scenes are so gory and the scene where they cut open the bodies... Shudder~

Sweet Dreams

Sleep is such an important element in our lives. Why do I say that? ‘Cause having not enough sleep will mean less energy and thus leading poor health. I have a personal experience with it. And I am suffering from it now. Took a leave from job today to rest and trying to gain back the sleep time.
One of the important things that affect the sleep is the bed. I believe in having a comfortable bed to sleep on. Personally, I prefer a queen or king size bed. Simply because I love the size. Single bed is just too small and restricted. I like to roll around and I tend to move when I am sleeping.
My current bed is a double-decker type of bed as I used to share the room with my sibling. But I am planning to change it soon in order to make the room more suitable to my personality. I am aiming to get a nice antique style bed. My online searching leads me to oak beds. The reliable oak beds seems so appealing to me. It has a sense of security and seems to be able to last for a long time. I find myself imagining smelling the smell of the wood. Hmm… Nice…

Travel plan

I have given this thought and I have decided to narrow down my selection for oversea travel plan to three places....

Places that are oversea...and i will do some details on it soon... Promise!

Get in control

One thing that is very worrying to me these days is that how to avoid myself from getting into debts. How to make sure that I will not be tempted to place myself into a difficult financial position? People, who do not know, would think that with my salary, I should have enough to spend and save if I use the money wisely. But… this is not the reality. The fact is that I have a few commitments that use up my salary.
I am guessing that people will advise me to spend minimal on every single thing. That means to spend a small amount for mobile phone charges, cable television charges, food, and fuel… That’s the necessities. Then, it also means not to spend a single cent on clothing and entertainment…and beauty. Impossible to achieve…what is the point of living if there is no enjoyment in life?
I think the more logical approach is to make yourself aware of what you are spending on. To make sure you know what that thing that drains your cash is and take control of your spending. Spend only in cash and never in credit card. Don’t spend money in advance because that money is not yours yet. In the case of emergency, make sure that you have someone reliable and generous to lend you money… best if this person is your parent.

Control yourself and spend within the limit.

For more info, read Debt Management

Sleeping on sofa

Last night, I fell asleep on the sofa again. For the past two days, I have been feeling so sleepy. I think I have enough sleep but I still feel like I have not slept enough. That lead to me sleeping on the sofa while waiting for copy-file activity to be over....

Woke up at 230am to go to bed to continue sleeping.

Work has been... slow. I want to wait till after the Chinese New Year celebration is over... Then, I will start to bother my clients to bring in their things.

My own stuff... I feel so suffocated by it. Keep feeling as if there is not enough time. I hope to complete everything early and be done with.

Wish me luck.

Cottage business

In the future, I would like to move to a place like my aunt in New Zealand. I love the basement garage that the house has. It is really spacey and can store a lot of things despite of the small area.
Since my place at this moment is impossible to have a basement, I guess I can also settle for Concrete Garages. I found this site that provides garages, sheds and workshops. It looks very convenient and has a lot of options to choose from.
When I saw this word ‘sheds’, it reminded me of the shed at my colleague’s house… I am quite envious of the shed that she has. It is quite convenient to keep all the gardening equipment that is too big or dirty to store in the main house. Somehow, it also gives me the feeling of being organized. There is separation of space between things done outside of the house and inside of the house.

This shed looks so cute…that I think it is possible to convert it into a playhouse for children. And guess what it is easy to clean as well. Oh wait! The site mentioned something about cottage industry… I am guessing that if I have a big plot of land and build this little shed aka cottage, I can rent it out to people and… money will flow in… Hoho…. That will be so nice~

Fratini

A friend of mine is moving away... so went to eat at Fratini's on Tuesday... Burnt a hole in my pocket. Gasp!

But the food was alright... not particularly great... Cause I think the avocado soup is not especially nice... should have tried the pumpkin cream soup instead...

I think they are so lack of business that they are giving out loyalty card to encourage you to visit them for another eleven times to redeem a free gift...

Less on children?

I remember watching a show on tv about helping couple to gain back control of their finances in order to save their relationship. These couples have over-spent and have a lot of loans to pay off. One of the couples featured in the show has a daughter. Both parents have the weakness of buying toys for their daughter. They are willing to splurge a lot on buying toys regardless of the price.
What reminded of this particular couple is because of this article. It said that parents are planning to spend less on their children. I think it is in every parent’s heart and mind that they will automatically splurge to make sure that their children are happy and … have everything that the parents never had before when the parents were young. In the case of the particular couple, the counselor helped them to curb their weakness to buy toys and increase their awareness to the necessities.
Nowadays, we are spending more and more as the price of everything increases… But this doesn’t mean that we should save and scrimp on things that are related to the children’s education. Education is the pathway to a better future for the children. Thus, I think it is reasonable to obtain a loan if there is such a need. Here’s a place you can read more about secured loans.

Election

It is time for election again...

This afternoon... during lunch time... a colleague of mine received a call from certain association and he didnt pick up the phone. Another colleague told him that the call is to ask him whether he wants to volunteer for the supervising of election. He didnt want to do it anymore so he didnt pick up the phone... Avoidance...

Just moments ago... I received two messages on my phone. Chinese messages.. The first one I can sort of understand but the second one... I am too tired to read... But basically, it is to tell me not to vote for BN... Vote the opposition...

Reaction to that... Huh?! What?! Where in the world do they get my number? And I think I read something about cutting penis or something if vote for BN. What?! That is just so fucking rude. Or have I misinterpret the chinese characters? I will ask my Chinese colleague tomorrow.

I would like to quote from a colleague of mine - Those who told you not to vote for BN says that we need to scare BN by making the amount of votes very close to each other so that BN will work harder for us. But then, do you really want the Opposition to win? So, if you vote for Opposition and imagine everyone else also has the same idea of scaring BN, then the Opposition win lo. What is the point in this scaring BN? So, what should you do instead? Stick to voting for BN la. Why? 'Cause you want to even out the number of people (who think they want to scare BN so they vote Opposition) and make sure BN win and really has the chance to prove that they will work hard for you.

So... you really want Opposition to win o? I know that I dont. I dunno why but I suddenly think of Kelantan...

I have an emergency, I want to make sushi

Yesterday decided to take leave on Monday, which is tomorrow or is it today...

Anyways... have made a decision to make sushi with cousins so... I just want to get it done... Afterall, I have the leave to spare...

Then... I also should be focusing my own stuff... need to do a few things... not enough time.. got to hurry...

Just a short update in this blog....

Dont check the number properly

The same guy called again asking about wanting to rent the house for RM1,000.

He called before twice and I told him twice that he has the wrong number and I dont have any house to rent.

And he called again. I am not going to answer the phone. What is wrong with him? Dont understand. He is using a handphone so he should be able to see what number is he dialing and has dialed before. Why does he call again and again? So annoying!

Why he didnt check the number properly?

Some people are like that. They keep calling and then have to keep telling them that it is the wrong number... and they still call. Annoying!

Black Jack

Played Black Jack or should I say 21 at L's house last night.

Not much experience in gambling so dont really know much... Unexpectedly, I got a Black Jack during one of the early rounds. I have five-times of the normal payout. Not bad...

As the night progressed, others (who didnt know I had a Black Jack winning just now) kept repeating how they hope to get Black Jack and has never gotten one before.

Guess I am lucky to ever has a Black Jack card before... Now, I should aim for the 5 succession card combinations...

I just spent some USD

I thought I cant use the USD... I thought I need to verify the account before I can touch the money.... But... Guess what? I dont have to. I spent some of it already... On what? Hehe... Five piece of singles from this certain group... Due to arrive some time in March because I wanted to save on the shipping cost.

I still cant believe that I actually spent it on such things... I cant believe it

Gong Xi Fa Cai aka Happy Chinese New Year

Just came back from a morning of house-visiting....



Hey... the neighbour is having open house and they ordered Piasau Boat Club's catering....



My home gate & fence was originally dull green and my dad decided to repaint it... he bought a yellowish green which looks like algae on the gate... After my mum's protest, the colour is changed to dark red... Phew... at least it is better than the algae green. :p



Tonight... going to be a gambling session... No one has come over to visit yet... Tonight is going to be one long and busy night...

I wonder

I wonder if I can actually stay awake till the end of the football match... Dont think so... I am so sleepy now...

My attempt to learn Korean online is currently on the stall again... Chinese New Year is around the corner and I am still in the progress of cleaning the place up... actually, it is more like I have been sick a few times...and so I spent most of the time resting (sleeping)

which by the way, I am so sleepy now...

The most troublesome

The most troublesome thing if one wants to go travelling is accommodation. My travelling, so far, I have saved quite a bit on accommodation because I knew someone at the place I went so I was able to stay with them. At this moment, I am considering my next travel destination. I want to go somewhere further than my previous destinations... and I am quite interested in Southern Spain...specifically Seville.

One of the things that I worried the most is accommodation... Thanks to this site, I am able to have a one-go look at all the available hotels in Seville. Not only it has divide Seville hotels into its star ranking but it also provides pictures of the hotels. This way, I can actually know how does the hotel room looks like...

The site not only offers a helpful list of Seville hotels but also hotels in other provinces such as Granada hotels, Malaga hotels, and many others. So, if I want to travel to other places, I can also look for accommodation thru this site.

With the accommodation problem no longer bothering, I can look forward to planning the finer details of my holidays in Spain

Feverish

Woke up this morning... feeling sick.. but I can still go to work...

But... as the time passes... I suddenly find myself feeling warmer...and then colder...and then warm again...

Darn... I am getting a fever again...

Applied for sick leave and came home to sleep... Ate medicine already...

Gosh..CNY is just around the corner.. how? how?

Get Me Some

Last weekend, when I met up with a friend, we suddenly talked about the difficulty that we faced some times with our cash flow. How so?
Say we need to pay certain something at this certain time but our cash inflow is at the day after the payment date. This is mind-bulging problem as the payment cannot be delayed.
Then we talked about having a really poor credit thus resulting in not being able to get the loan we really need. Not many people will be willing to lend money to a person with low financial credit due to the fear of inability to pay for the loan.
When I got home, I decided to search for the alternative to this problem. Hey! Internet age, anything is impossible online. I found this thing called payday loan. Payday loan is available to particularly anyone so long as they fulfilled certain requirement. Guess what? The basic requirement is quite easy to fulfill.
So long as you have a regular job that earns you at least $1000 per month… doesn’t matter if you have bad credit or bankruptcy problem… you will be able to get this cash advance to aid you thru your cash emergency.
What’s more… the timing… once you get thru the registration/application process, the cash is electronically transferred to you. Which means that you can get the cash quickly. Time is of the essence. If time doesn’t matter, then what is the use of getting this cash advance?

Free house guards

Some time ago, I had a pet dog. Then, it passed away. Gone is the hope to have a dog guarding the house.

But now... Guess what? My neighbour's dogs have decided to make my house front as their hang-out place. At the same time, they are also become my house guards. Barking at strangers. Hehe...

Jo got barked at when she came to my place yesterday.

Dont have to feed and they are guarding my house. Not bad...

Selling things

I have a dream that I want to open a shop selling handmade accessories using beads and other materials. But a physical store is not only requiring a full time supervision, it also requires a fixed expenditure for the rental of the space. I notice that the rental cost is really high for places that have high population. Apart from that, the customer can only be from one geographical location, which is where the shop is located.

Nowadays, more and more people are using the Internet. So, to open an online store is the way to do it. Like every other online store, I will need to have a shopping cart to allow my customer to purchase my things. This is where I need to get the help from the experts. Ashop Commerce provides shopping cart software that is easy to use and can be customized to suit the user. The cost of getting and using the software is small if I compared to having to pay a high monthly rental. Another thing that intrigues me more is because Ashop Commerce provide not only the shopping cart, but also the design for online store, shipping, payment and other ecommerce software.


So... if you are looking for such program, try Ashop Commerce.

Bad credit?

One thing I fear the most when I am considering whether to get a credit card or not is whether I will be able to pay for the money that I will owe. I know people with an ever-increasing credit loan and it scares me. But what if there comes a day that one has a bad credit? It is always great to be able to compare the variety of bad credit loans that are available from different providers. From the different loans, one can choose the one that can suit one’s needs. With that, one can actually improve their financial position.

Fever

Currently not feeling well.... Fever... Cough... Flu...

Just ate medicine. Feeling sleepy again. Yawn...

Get paid to blog

Consider blog advertising...

It is a way to earn cash while you blog about things or giving it a review thru your blog. Personally, I think it is great because that way, you can actually learn about more stuff as you blog and your blog can showcase a variety of topics and thus… appeals to more people, right? Such opportunity doesn’t just present itself every day. We need to grab it as it comes along. Not every opportunity is suitable as well so we need to choose the one that is suitable for us. So you like to blog and would like to earn some extra cash, why not consider to get paid for blogging? There are so many things that we can blog about so why not blog about those things and at the same time earn the extra cash? So, what are you waiting for? Come and join the trend to get paid to blog.

Gasp!

ohmigosh... the forum I usually go for my daily dose of Tohoshinki is closed for clean-up. It will only be opened on Friday. Cant wait for the arrival of Friday.

Tomorrow, I will start working. The next offday will possibly be during Chinese New Year. This year CNY holidays, some people in the office arent happy with it because we lose out on the weekends. For me, it made no difference 'cause it will still be the same.... the insensitivity that I have.

At this moment, I am coughing non stop.. possibly because of the dry throat. Time to drink water. Lots of water

Boost of confidence

Just told Joanna about the tv show that I have been watching recently. I didn’t mean to specifically watch it but I just happen to switch to that channel and watch it every week. It is almost like the time when I also can automatically switch to HBO to watch Sex and the City without remembering the time each week. Not very sure if you actually can understand what do I mean but anyways….

The show that I watch each week is about plastic surgery. My first impression of plastic surgery…which is way in the past…is that it is a procedure that women do to become more beautiful. But actually, plastic surgery is more than that. It is to help those who have problem or difficulty with their physical self, for example, disfigured face or body etc. I remember writing a research essay on the pros and cons of plastic surgery for my foundation course. I found this to be very interesting.

What is so interesting? For me… what motivate me the most to not to get too fat till I will probably need to get a ‘gastric bypass’ in order to lose weight. The prospect of losing weight is nice but the loose skin is the downside. Because of the loss of fats, the skin becomes loose and hanging at the arms, thighs and abdomen. In order to solve this, patient will have to go through procedures like tummy tuck, thigh lift, arm lift and etc. But these procedures will also leave permanent scar. Nevertheless, it helps the patient to become more mobile (because of the loss of excess skin) and more confident. If I get too fat and then lose all the weight with all the excess skin, scar will not stop me from becoming more normal. So what?

Perhaps I should opt for liposuction to lose some weight. I am suddenly reminded of the scene in Nip/Tuck where the surgeon is doing liposuction on his fiancé who is already very skinny. Anyways, I think this procedure is a quick way to lose fat. This reminds me (again) of the liposuction done by a lady who has a medical condition which causes her to have a hump of fat on her back. Because of liposuction, she is able to wear strapless shirt and look confident in it. So, liposuction isn’t that bad after all.

Oh! I also told Joanna the many methods to do breast augmentation. Never know that there are so many different ways to do it. The procedure on how to do it depends on different factors such as the patient’s preference and the suitable procedure for the patient’s body condition.

Can’t get into too much of the details ‘cause I am not a qualified person to tell… Plastic surgery…. Might be the option to go for when I am not happy with my body.

Back from my shopping trip

Thsi time I can truly say that it was a shopping trip because the main purpose is to shop and to shop and shop and shop. Hehe...

Very tired yet motivated to lose some serious weight. Blame it on those skinny people I see. Urgh...

Annoy Me?!

I can just sense the hint of annoyance from A when B agreed with a heavy dose of reluctance. What I wonder about more is whether B actually realise that B is being 'annoyingly' not sporting. What meant to be funny and in a joking manner is taken so seriously. What meant to be in that kind of joyous and amusing mood is being treated as improper and subsequently kills off the joyous mood.

Is my brain wavelength at the different level as B is? Am I the only one who notice B's annoying trait? Or I am not the only one and everyone just choose to ignore it?

Erk..See something I need to do but being putting off due to forgetfulness. Bah.

Happiness outburst

After three days of staring at the Club Box downloaded percentage that seems to remain stagnant, I must shout out that I am so happy now because it is moving again! It is downloading again!! I hope it last though... I really hope it will go on and on without becoming stagnant again. Please download fast fast!!

Long chat

D just came by today. It has been a long time that I meet with him. It is sort of awkward. But we basically chat about every single thing. Time flies quickly. Without realising it, we actually chatted for five hours.... Whoa...

Close friend doesnt have to stick with each other always. They will always be your close friend 'cause they know you.

Yes, I Will Marry You

I have decided. I want to custom-make my own engagement ring from real diamonds. I went online to search on different type of engagement rings. I was surprised by the different type of ways that diamonds can be set onto a ring… such as solitary stone, with sidestones, with three stones and many more. That is when I saw the design your own ring section - I want that!!

Though... I wouldn't mind if a guy will get me something from the many available diamond engagement rings.

The word is SEO

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