Year 2008

A new year. A new resolution?

Dont know. This time, it is a bit blur-ish.

Happy New Year....

Get the best

Saw an advertisement on television the other day. It was about a certain product that I often use but of different brand. It made me think about how there are so many variation to the things that we use every single day. The sellers come out with all sorts of ideas to try to get the consumers to buy their products. But…here is the big question. Which is the best? It is not economical or reasonable for anyone to actually buy every single brand available for this one product and try it. What’s more? Different people have different reaction to different product. What may be good for this person may not be for another person. So, how are we going to choose the best possible from the majority? By reading reviews.

Take for example, payday loan. I believe that almost everyone will face with cash flow problem and you need that cash advance to help you to get through the tough time. But with so many payday loans available, which one will suit you the best? It is not feasible to try out each one of the available money lender…so… check out the rankings and reviews on trustsource.org. From there, you will be able to get the best out of the best and it is by the many people who have tried it.

Stress-free from money

In need of cash? Need to get some cash advance?

I discover that a few of my colleagues often faces the problem of not enough cash whenever there is an unexpected event. Thus, I have recommended them the online payday loans.
Online payday loans are not as complicated as it may seem. The basic requirements such as being employed for at least three consecutive months, having a valid checking account for at least 3 months and others are actually pretty easy to fulfill. What is more attractive about this payday loan is that the customers do not have to worry about having no credit or low credit. The whole deal is done anonymously and the customers do not even have to leave the house to do it.

Another benefit of payday loan is that the processing time for the money to be deposited. The money is deposited overnight (with the exception of weekend). In the case of emergency, time is of the essence.

Then, if you think you will not be able to pay off the loan in the coming payday, the lender can extend the loan to the next payday (with extra fee, of course).

Imagine how less stressful it is when you know that you have the ease of getting a loan without the hassle of queuing up for hours at the bank, facing the embarrassment of having to borrow money in front of people…

Pissed off

I hate it when things arent going as I have planned. Especially if it has been planned for some time... decided for some time that it will be implemented in a certain way. If it is not like that, I am not happy.

Actually part of the reason why I am very pissed off just now was possibly also caused by my impending 'time of the month'

A New Career Choice

Read an article about how medical assistants aren’t just sidekicks, I don’t know why but it reminded me of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy when the nurses went on a strike… The hospital can’t function properly without them. The medical assistants are such an important component of the hospital.

For those people who are still thinking of what to do in the future or considering a new career path, why not consider the medical assistant careers? It is in growing demand and you wouldn’t be worried about not being able to get a job. Like doctors who can specialize in different field, medical assistants also had such variety so you can choose what suit you the best.Of course, to become a medical assistant, you need to get into a medical assistant program. There are actually a lot of these medical assistant programs available and there are no worries about the location of the place you want to take these programs.

Then, if you are already in the medical assistant field and looking for a way to get promoted, you need to be equipped with a wider knowledge and skills. There are actually online medical assistant training programs available as well. With more training and knowledge, you will find yourself with more job opportunities.

Must remember

Promised JL to help her with the scanning of some document.

Must remember to do

Must remember to do

Btw, laptop has been on for the past ..erm... five days with a quick restart on day 2. Been downloading stuff. Hmm...

Bonus from work this year is satisfying. Hmm... Superior thinks that I might be unhappy to get much less than the anticipated portion of the separately-paid bonus but honestly, I think it is better that it is separately paid so many portion. I wouldnt go and spend it all at one go. It is actually good for me. Haha...

Horribly Sweet Green Tea

Went to have lunch at McD today. Saw that they are selling the Prosperity Burger already so decided to eat that. This time, the meal is with green tea instead the sprite with pineapple shreds.

Personally, I am a green tea lover. But... this McD green tea is ridiculuosly sweet. I only drink about five sips and the rest I brought back to the office and dilute it with water. I think the dilution I did can probably make another two more cups of green tea. It is still pretty sweet.

Urgh...

Overload

At this moment, I am helping Lynnwei to download this series and it is, in a way, interrupting my downloading rate at another program that I am using to download my korean video.

Erm... Not sure which one should I give priority to....

Sort of worrying whether I should start clearing more disk space for the incoming videos....

Will figure it out soon...

Let's Play Together

Talk about having nothing much to do, I found this place where one can play backgammon online. Although I will need to download the software, it is free and I actually can play against real people. To make the whole thing more interesting is that I can satisfy my hunger for competition because this online backgammon also offer tournament among its players.

Come on, join me for a game of backgammon online!

Did he actually read it?

At the party, someone told me that he read my blog.

Honestly, I am embarrassed. I didnt expect people to actually really read my blog. Oh! By my blog, I am referring to my World of My Own. And... he kept teasing me about taking photos and putting it into my blog... Sweat

Where is our next travel destination?

My geng and I have developed a habit of travelling together. So far, we have been travelling together to 7 places, four local and three international. This has been going on for the past two years.

One of the most important aspects in our travel plan is that we want to make sure that it is as convenient as and as low budget as possible. We have either stayed with our relatives or was sponsored the accommodation. At this moment, we have actually ran out of such favours. So, we are a bit worried about going over-budget.

Then, I stumbled upon this Hotel Reservations. It provides such an extensive search on hotels and flights even in the Asia regions. I was surprised and delighted. Even better, it also has internet offer rate which is cheaper than the normal rate for the hotel booking. It gave me a hope that we can actually plan with more details and perhaps, save us a few more dollars on the ever-so-expensive accommodation.

Hey... My plan to go to Japan and Korea to see Tohoshinki may even come true now. Haha...

Biggest loss ever

A-n achieved the biggest loss ever in our rummy game last night. He lost RM30 plus. It may or may not sounds like a huge amount but if you know our gambling range, you will agree me with me that it is a large amount.

Bunny had a party at her house which is actually meant mainly for her Dad's friends and she invited us along. After helping out with the preparation of the BBQ, we digged into the food.

Which reminds me about something. So embarassing.

BBQ is actually a side dish in the party and so there werent much stuff prepared. Somehow, people were expecting more of BBQ stuff and so some of them went to our BBQ site to have a look. At that time, we had the second and last batch of chicken wings on the plate and planned to save it for ourselves. It was so embarrassing to tell the auntie that the reason we didnt want to bring it over to the guest main table. So embarrassing. Why do I have to be the one?!?!

Detoxfying

Was watching the CSI marathon last night. CSI Miami caught my attention particularly. The set of the crime scene is at a rehabilitation center. It is very intriguing to me. I noticed that rehabilitation centre is a place of comfort and also, safety. People who go there need help to get back on the feet, to lose the addiction they are facing and to be able to lead a normal healthy life.
I went on researching more about rehabilitation centre and found Stone Hawk Rehabilitation Center in Michigan. This centre is different from my perception. It believed in detoxifying the body and help their customers to discover and to develop the lifestyle that suits them. I think it is great that they have such program to help people with drug addiction. Not to mention, the scenery at the rehabilitation centre is amazing.

If I ever need to go to a drug rehab, I wouldn’t mind going here.

Some quotes I found on photobucket

This morning

At 11.45am,

M: I am hungry
H: What did you have for breakfast?
M: Lemme see. One cup of Milo, one popia, one mua-ji cookie, one caramel sweets, four biji of fishballs, two biji of fried siu-mai... (whoa...a lot le...)
H: .... I only had one bowl of kolo mee and a cup of tea and I am hungry since 10am.
M: Oh! I forgot. I also have drank half bottle of water. Hehe...

Err...without realising it, I actually had so much stuff in one morning. :p

First time amcee-ing

last night was office's annual dinner. I thought of perhaps I can relax and have fun eating and talking during the dinner. Since I already did the lucky draw things. Buying and preparing the things.

Everyone except for the boss and family sat on the sofa sets. Can see the split in groups of people.

Then the dreaded. The boss wanted the organising team to do the amcee-ing and get the night started. And the team pushed me into the water again. Pls read it in chinese ' 推我下水'

So there I go. Not standing on the stage though. Err...What can I say? Scary.

With Sarcasm

It is funny when you tell certain people the places you have planned to go and they tried to tell you not to go because of one reason. You been there. I see no harm in going to the same place simply because second time of going to the same place means that you know where to head and what to do.

Then, they themselves also go to the same place twice and maybe thrice. It really make one think...

Then, when you said that you want to and plan to go to this place that you never been before... a place you never been before... they tell you that this place is not a good choice to go. It is too expensive. Nothing to see. Nothing to shop. Bad Choice.

What is the GOOD choice?

Sweat. Big Sweat. -.-|

Ask me again and I will quit

It is time to pay for the fee again so I asked Mum for the money.

Personally, I like to be hassle-free. Once I decided the way to do it, I dont like it if other people want me to do it in another way. Forcing me to find another alternative and keep bugging me about it.

Since last night, I wasnt feeling well. Even now, I am still feeling sick.

Why want to use AUD when I already say that it is in RM? Why want to send thru Brunei? Why?!!!

Ask me again and I will say that I dont want to study. I rather not. I am so sick of this.

Have to re-sit

Failed the 5th paper. Have to re-sit. Not in the mood at the moment...

Not very straight but it will have to do

Went to straighten my hair on Monday... cost me RM140 this time.

It isnt very straight. Possibly because of the length. It is right at the shoulder.

Will need to do a lot of treatment sessions if I want to get a beautiful healthy hair.

Didnt dye my hair this time. Want to have a black hair. Haha....

Time for a change

The New Year is fast approaching. I managed to convince Dad that we need to give our garage floors a new look. It has becoming more wash-out recently. Not to mention the oil stain due to the old car left behind.

We have looked online for the available options. I wanted a brightly-coloured floor but Dad isn’t interested… The final decision lies in his hands since it is his garage.

Don’t understand why I want to convince him about the floor change. :p

All paid for

I finally paid off all of my debts today. I think.

Previously, I was owing my facial money and my air ticket money.

Btw, I am currently feeling very Yoda-like 'cause I am covering myself with a blanket. Haha....

A sense of relief for me. I no longer feel so pressured. It is still one long month to go before my nexy pay come out. I wish I can survive till then.

After this, I will need to splurge when I go to shop at KL. Erm... Need to buy more office wear and smart casual clothing. I think I have a clearer opinion of what I want. The problem is whether I can find the right one or not.

Need to lose some more weight as well. Fighting!

In Need of Cash?

Not too long ago, Dad mentioned about getting a new car. He wanted to get a personal loan under my name in order to get a loan to buy the car. I didn’t think much but I knew straight away that I didn’t want to obtain such loan.
Firstly, I didn’t think it is necessary to get a new car when the current one is still ok. Why put ourselves in the liability when we don’t have to?
Secondly, I really dislike the idea of having to owe someone an amount of money. And considering my current financial situation, I am not in a good state to add more financial commitment.
Nevertheless, I think loan is a great tool available to us when we really need the extra cash aid to get the things we want. I guess there are basically two main type of Loans: secured and unsecured.
Secured loan is when the loan is given under a mortgage. Usually for a huge amount of cash. I often see this kind of loan in businesses.
Unsecured loan is a loan given without any security for the lender. One common example is car buyer. If Dad has his way and get a loan to buy a new car, this will be the loan he will take.

My Baby was hospitalised

My Baby, My Inspiron, My Laptop... was hospitalised two days ago.

It actually didnt recovered completely. Seems like the Doc only cured it temporarily. Sigh...

Then, my regular GP told me that actually the disease my Baby had is very common. Happen regularly. Sigh... Should have asked the GP to cure my Baby. More importantly, no need to pay the GP somemore.

Currently... GP has reactivated the programs the Doc de-activated and removed the skin that my Baby had on. My Baby is now the original Windows XP look. I need time to get used to it le. My Baby used to look so cool in all black. Oh well...

I have also been burning the files into DVD so that my Baby has more storage space.

I cant imagine life with my Baby. Sigh... I really need to find a guy and get a life. Haha...

So awkward

Erm... Last early morning, since now is early morning again (hehe...), my phone rang. The caller is named as 'Office Alarm.' Bad sign. First thing to do is to call Ling, the secretary. After letting her know that I will be checking out the office with Bro, Bro and I rushed to town. After two robberies, I think everyone in the office has phobia.

Nothing out of ordinary le. The alarm has stopped.

Boss came after that... Cause I dont have the keys to open the doors to check the insides. I can only see from the outside.

Opened and checked everything. Nothing le.

No idea why the alarm went off twice...

The long awaited...

Finally got approved....

Actually, signed up for this for quite a long time… Joined it for fun. Because there is nothing else to do at the time. When I look around the site, I found myself confused and unable to understand what is needed to be done. Thus, I never really become active in it because I just dont get it.

Then... cousins started to get more and more into it and finally convinced me to become more active. They explained the whole thing to me and made me realized how easy it is to do this. But of course, the first step is that I need to get my blog approved first before I can start taking advantage of the available opportunities.

Suddenly, everything becomes clearer to me. I understand what needed to be done and so…

As I have mentioned in my previous post, I need and want several things. It will be great to know that now I have the chance to actually earn the money to buy those stuff. And perhaps I learn about more stuff through this since it offers a wide genre of topics…

Gosh…. I am so looking forward to this whole new experience and actually the most important thing is to get paid to blog

Materiality Needs

I need quite a number of new things recently....

Heels, dresses, lingerie, slippers....

Heels is because my heels are pretty worn out now. And I want a new one...

Dresses because relative's and friend's wedding are coming soon and I want to wear a dress. More importantly, because I am going to be in the entourage for this friend's wedding and I dont have a dress to wear. Btw, saw something nice today so planning to go try it on and maybe buy it once my salary is out.

Lingerie because... this is sad. I dont have much lingerie left to wear. So sad...

Slippers... Got a pretty white slippers from the Tings for my bday and also a brown one from Mumsie.... I want to get another one that is for rough use. Or maybe I should try to bleach-clean my that oil-stained Adidas slippers. Talking about that slippers, someone dripped the black engine oil on it so right now, it has this really big oil stain on it.

Then... there are also the pricey thing that I want to get... New digicam, handphone, and hair straightening...

Digicam... I dont have one of my own. The one I am using is Koko's and it is really really old... And it cant do any video recording because it cant record sound.

Handphone... Love to get a new one. But I can still live with the one I have at this moment. If I get one, it will be such an indulgence.

Hair straightening... seriously.. I need this desperately... and I am getting this no matter what...

I have resubmitted this blog for this sidey and I hope it will be approved.

Cold wave

Erm... The change... Is it for good or bad?

Used to be able to forget anger or hatred very fast. Dont stay mad at people very long. Forever trying to make everyone happy with me.

Then... it happened silently and slowly.

Even after some time has passed, others has forgotten and forgiven. I find no forgiveness in me. I cant forget. I still hold a grudge.

To be honest, I dont understand it either.

Emotional Rollercoaster

It is almost time of the month. I am experiencing mood swings. From extreme happiness to extreme sadness. I am going crazy

Make Up Your Mind

YOU! YOU THERE! MAKE UP YOUR MIND! KEEP ON CHANGING YOUR MIND THAT I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!

I really cannot stand such attitude. So shitty. One minute say this, the other minute say that. Then now want me to give the thing immediately. Where the hell am I supposed to get it in such a short notice?

I hate being the middle person. It is so shitty that once again, my good mood for the day is gone.

Another Problem

Each month.... each month has to think of how to solve each problem that arises. Just when I have gotten to use to one recurring problem, another new problem surfaces.

It is not mine to worry and solve but why do I have to be put in the middle of all these?

So shitty!

Rejection

got rejected la... Cause my blog not listed in google list...

Sigh

Mumsie & daughter feeling

I sort of feel guilty for not having any photos up when I write a post in World Of My Own. In this blog however, there is no feelingof guilt because this blog has been pretty clean... hahaha...

Anyways, parents were here today and I brought Mumsie out to do her stuff.

Should be because of the excessive Tohoshinki video watching, their style is rubbing on me and I am becoming a little more talkative. Friends can actually testify for me that I am different these days. For better, I hope.

Sort of felt a bond with my Mumsie today. When I told her about that Bata peeptoe wedges that I saw with her the other day and that I wanted it, she actually considering buying it for me. Yea~~ But I told her not to lo. Cause even with the discount, it is actually quite expensive. About B$ 27 after discount. Now it is without discount so more expensive somemore.

Me Love Me Mumsie la...

Hungry

it is 11pm now.. and I am hungry.

Hungry is such an important word to me. I think hungry defines me.. hehe..

Out of nowhere, I will always say that I am hungry.

Gosh.. I am so hungry now.

I could have

slept a little longer on Monday.

After three weeks of off-days, I finally went back to work on Monday. The weather was so nice for sleeping. It was rainy and cold... The perfect weather to sleep. But I was in the office and was feeling very forlorn because I didnt have enough sleep for the past two days.

As I settled into the feeling of work again, I realised one thing. Sigh.... I am supposed to go back to work on Tuesday, not Monday. Oh no~!

I could have slept so much longer in the morning and have the time to replenish my energy... Instead, I was at work already.

Since I didnt drive on that day, I couldnt go home as well. Darn...

TVXQ

I think I remembered what I wanted to blog about already. Hehe...

Yes, TVXQ. That korean boy band.

I suddenly was in the mood to search and download their videos that watch yesterday. For no apparent reason. So I went to Veoh and downloaded a number of videos. Btw, a few of those videos I downloaded are of the same and were performed over the span of a few days. Sweat.

Then to my surprise, when I was at Lynn's house, Lynna was searching for TVXQ's You Are My Miracle. Eeeiiii.... Such a coincidence... Heheh

My point is.... What a coincidence le... :P

This is hilarious

I remembered having something I want to blog about. Then... after dinner...after a short trip to Hilltop, I forgot what I want to blog about. Hahahaa.... My forgetfulness and I. :P

Alright... I decided to leave this post like this and then fill it in after I remember what I want to blog about. Though I think it is not likely to happen

Where is my multi-tasking skill?!?!?

Erm.. dont think this is multi-tasking. It is like multi-idea, multi-writing skills...

I feel like I am playing this certain round in Zuma. Have to kill off balls coming from two directions.

Since my brain is pretty much in a hiatus these days, I dont really know what to write. And since my social activities is cut down to almost zero these days, nothing much I can post to World Of My Own.

- Knock myself on the head - Brain oh brain, where is your creativity le... wake up oiii...

Insure Your Ride

This month is a pretty bumpy month for my budget. I have to pay for my car insurance and I dont have enough budget. When I called up my insurance agent for the insurance quotation, I asked her if there is any possible way to lower the insurance premium. To my dismay, she told me that there is a possibility of it rising due to some new rules. This is not working my way. I wish to change my car insurance policy to something more affordable to me.

Advantage Auto Quotes is an online service that helps to search and provide their customers with the best suited automobile insurance policies. They go through a lot of other insurance providers to get the lowest insurance rates so if you are like me, wanting to lower your car insurance, this is is the site to go to.

Why is it important to get insurance coverage for your car? Hey, it is so important. Not only because it is required to at least have the basic insurance, it can really help you out if there is an accident. Go and quote your automobile insurance for your car today.

Cant control the anger

I am feeling so suicidal today...

I sat in the car for fifteen minutes and after that, I went driving for half an hour.... i am so pissed off with myself. So angry with myself that I think if i stay at home, I will probably explode.

I am not sure why am I feeling like this. To get all angry inside. Is the stress getting to me?

But now... there is nothing to worry about. Got over it...

How to mend a broken heart?

She called me to have lunch together. She didnt plan to tell me through the phone but I guess she couldnt hold it back so she said it out. She just broke up with her boyfriend not long ago.

As we ate at the crowded and busy restaurant, she kept talking about her ex... This is like the heartbroken sympton. Must talk about the ex non-stop because she still misses him. then, she told me the conversation between her father and her.

This part is fascinating to me. I dont think I ever have such 'deep' conversation with my dad. I think my relationship with my dad is very ... off-hand. Sometimes, I even call him 'boss' and it seems appropriate. Her father is so cool le...

Anyways... I guess due to the exposure we get nowadays, we are actually mentally-prepared for symptons and remedies of heartbreak but our emotion preparation is not enough. She knows the pain will go away after a few months. To care so much about someone and then to lose him, it is hard to erase all the feelings. It surfaces every now and then. The people around her can only tell her to let it fade with time.

What am I supposed to say to her? I will be saying the exact same thing like what other friends told her. So... I told her

Fortunately you dont find me when you are extremely down... Fortunately you only find me after one month...

Hehe... make me sounds like I am so unsympathetic of her. So not-a-friend attitude. Just kidding her la...'Kek' her a bit. Make her laugh... Hey! Laughter is the best medicine

Btw, time is the best remedy for broken heart.

Hong Kong, I want to go!

Just read a blog post by someone who just went to Hong Kong. I am so envious la...

Rene mentioned to me about flying there with her and her hubby and then accompany her to shop around. Oh~! I want to do it so badily.

But... Money not enough arrr~~!!!

Happy Birthday To My Piggie Bel

12 years old liaw...

Love you.

Bel, you are my favourite cousin because you are almost exactly 12 years younger than me. Hehe... And not forgetting the fact that you grew up close to us... so... love you o~~

Err.. Clarify...the rest of the cousins... Love you guys too... Hehee... Dont jealous la...

My mind is absent

I find myself forgetting things rather easily these days.

I can forget what I wanted to say one second after it popped in my mind.

I can forget what I has planned to do.

In secondary school, I used to tell people that I forget so easily that I can forget what is my exam mark five minutes after I get my exam mark.

The other day, I forgot how old am I. I forgot how many papers do I still need to take for my CPa. I forgot when I plan to complete my CPA program. I forgot.

Millonaire's First Love

Actually... I was just looking at whether the guy who acted in My Lovely Sam-Soon is the guy in Snow Queen... He is the same guy...Yeah~! This sort of signify that I am quite good at recognising people. Hehe... Boasting again. Anyways... Realised that he acted in this movie called Millionaire's First Love and I remembered seeing this movie in the list of download-able movies so I went to download it...

At the same time, I saw the movie Hwang Jin Yi.... I have the wallpaper of this movie... so I downloaded the movie as well. The wallpaper... I didnt know it is about a movie. Because the wallpaper is only of the actress with a black background. I thought the actress is only dressing up for fun..Heheh...

Millionaire's First Love... tear-jerking le... I dont know if my heighten estrogen level affect my emotion or not... Though the movie is somehow disconnected in between the scenes... It is touching la... Having the knowledge of the girl is dying and yet still want to be with her...

Aiyer... I think I have fallen into the Korean-Addiction...Aaaarrgghh

Hwang Jin Yi... is ... err.... I dont know how to comment le... Story line is nice but I dont like the sexual scenes... i just dont like...

Money is not enough

I guess my situation now is something like people who go out of their hometown to study and thus you have to handle all the finances in your life. Finances such as payment of bills and food and rental and possibly car maintenance etc etc etc. Source of cash is from the parents. When you dont have enough, you get your parents to send you more money, that is if your parents are willing to.

In my case, it is slightly different. Ever since I start working or more like ever since JW start studying A-level, I have been placed under an even-tighter financial budget. How so?

Got to start way early then... Earlier on, I dont have to worry about all these things like bill payment. My monthly expenditure is very basic, which is reload card of RM50, car petrol, lunch at Uni and occasional window shopping expenditure. Clothing, shoes and accessories are very rare for me. I guess my total expenditure for one month is probably about RM300 and this is so... over-stated, I think. I used to envy my best friends for being able to shop for shoes and clothes anytime they like. Btw, they are not from Miri so their parents send money for them to spend as they like.

Then, I was given the responsibility to collect the rent and use it to pay for the home bills. I wasnt happy. I dont want to be held responsible for such thing. I somehow can predict the pressure that comes with it. I was slowly handed the responsibility and only gain full control by the time I start working.

Anyways, at first, the little balance of the money is my extra allowance each month...Then, the privilege was taken from me when JW went to study A-level and I was given another financial blow. I am supposed to give JW allowance too.

Then, stress built up as there is no one at home anymore. Instead of having hot meal prepared for me, I ate heated pre-coooked meals... and suffered mild food poisoning three times in one single year. No more pre-cooked meal after that.

Each month, my salary is spent on handphone bill (aproximately RM 60 to RM100, I managed to cut down to RM 70), grocery shopping, JW, Astro... Nothing much left. Even if there is, the next month will surely clear up the whole saving. The rental is no longer enough to cover the home expenditure because for one and a half year, it was expenditure for two homes.

Using my salary and savings to cover for every single thing. It took its toll on me and I am tired. I really am.

欠打 aka Asking For Trouble

I am worried about myself.

My naive self. My innocent self.

I think I getting more and more tainted. I seems to have adapt a more aggressive and hate-able attitude.

I hope that I dont drive people mad at me. I really hope I dont offend people.

How to find that old innocent me back again?

New shoes for me?

I want new shoes. Tried on a shoe...a brown, peeping toe, very high wedges shoe the other day with Mum...

Gosh... Now I think of it. I should have gotten Mum to get it for me. Argh... Regret! Regret!

Cant find any shoes that seems to satisfy me. Sigh...

I idolise

This is possibly the first pic in this blog. I think...

Anyways... I dont think I ever idolise any female so much. This is should be the first one. I think. Cant remember anyone but tell me if I have. I tends to forget. This one has actually lasted for a few months.

I want to be like her. She is Yoon Eun Hye

Btw, I like that black dress she wore in that pic. But i doubt it will look good on me.

How could he?

He is non of my business guy... He really is... But once a upon a time, he ever is the guy I have crush on.... err...or was it infatuation..haha

Saw him with a girl. Saw him holding hands with a girl. Saw him looking kind of uncomfortable that I saw him holding hands with a girl.

I hate myself for dressing rather shabby at that time. Why didnt I dress more nicely le? Damn...

Potential Accountant

I sensed that he probably has not much regard for girls. or should I say female.

But...

I felt a little sense of proud-ness when he said he thinks the person who discover the place to throw rubbish is very smart... Though it is kind of silly la.

He prob thinks that the guys figured it out. Hehe...

After that, I think he thinks more highly of me. 'Cause all the questions come shooting at me... Shit!

Not in Speaking Term

We never quarrel.

We never said it out in the open.

We just stop.

I dont know. Is it my fault or hers? Should I approach her again?

I guess not. Somehow, the friendship has gone. Eh! We dont quarrel le. If she really appreciate our friendship, then she should be the one asking me why I stop talking to her. and not being so...err...argh! never mind

Daisy

Just watched Daisy. A korean movie.

Tear-jerking movie. I guess if the movie has a happy ending for the assasin, it will be kind of unfair. He is an assassin so should not have any sympathy for him. He is the bad guy with a romantic heart and possibly stalker-inclined.

What he did for the girl is so romantic la. And he didnt ask for anything in return. All he wants is just to find a way to make himself feel less guilt-free from killing all those people. He plant daisies for her.... he learn lip-reading so that he can understand the girl without her writing down her thought...

Gosh... My mind is flooding with all the scenes from the movie.

Double eye lids

I wish I have doube eye lids...permanent double eye lids.

Right now, I keep on switching between a single double eye lid or no double eye lid or almost double eye lids. It is so annoying...

Jeng told me that there is this girl who use the glue type double eye lids creator for three weeks and ended up with permanent double eyelids.

Hling said that she has her permanent double eyelids after using hair pins to create (possibly not very permanent) double eyelids every morning for half a year or so.

Right now, I just try to create double eyelids -the kind that lasted for a mintue or two every now and then..when ever I have the time and mood to do... Maybe I will get the glue type soon. Hear that it might be be painful to use...

Miracelous Recovery

Hahaha... I am very optimistic... Erm.. Or should be forgetful...

Got over It already. So fast can get back to normal.

I love my forgetfulness...hehe... :P

I Cant Sleep

My eyes still open till now. So I guess I better write this down and see if it help me to get some sleep....

Cant believe that it happen. How can he do this to me? To be with her and still giving me hope that there is a possibility between him and I. Argh... this is so frustrating.

How can I fall for it again? LS and QA are right. I care too much for something that is still not confirmed to be mine.

AAAAARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Sleep... I need sleep... Give me back my sleep. I cant write anymore. This is way too frustrating to put down in words.

Merdeka, Malaysia

Yea!! Though I dont really feel much patriotism in me... Haha...

I dont think got my size le

So frustrated.

I dont know if it is because it is just not my style or my inferiority complex.

I like single colour motif and despise multi pattern motif. I cant admire clothes with a lot of flowery flowery patterns on them... dont know why....

I want to get something that can be worn to smart casual dinner but... I just cant see anything to buy le. I feel so bloated in those shops. I keep on seeing myself as a very fat and unflattering.

Damn... Got to get this mentality out of my head fast

Inability To Accept New Idea

Suddenly remember about the time I attended a workshop about life.

Oh! Diversion from topic... I also suddenly remember the dress this girl is wearing. It is so cute. although it is colourful, it is so nice la.. Err... Looks good on her... :P

Anyways... I guess because I am already out working and I am content with what I have at work, the idea about been successful in life that means having extreme motivation and drive is neccessary. Err... Ok.. Like I have just said, I am content with what I am doing. So, I guess I have the drive and motivation in my job liaw so... I dont think by shouting out like a madman means I will succeed... Dont understand why some people actually go so emotional and cry... And why my seating have to be so near to the speaker. Then, the people in my group actually thinks I am so brave to step up first. Haha... I am not brave. I just know in my heart that this group of youngster doesnt have the guts to step up so dont waste time la... I will do it la.. Haha...

Then... I admit I was disappointed that my parents didnt come and tap my shoulder during that supposingly emotional time... Sigh... To hear so many other participants has their family with them... I guess I will probably be even more disappointed if the workshop has been a camping overnight workshop and the participants only get to see their family after two days. Luckily, it is not. Phew...

Taking a risk

Each time I have a 'deep' conversation with her, I have a sense of taking a risk. Risk of been uncovered.

I try to remind myself that I should not be too straight-forward. Too honest. Too open.

What if it back-fires on myself?

I hope not. I really hope not.

Fear

I have fear... I have fear of car accidents, cutting myself, death... Things that can lead to death...

Imagine myself losing control of the car and crash into another car.

Imagine myself cutting my finger when using a knife.

Imagine... urgh.. I am scared of all these imaginations...

Damn...

I play with 80% luck, 20% skill

Rummy. According to Wikipedia, it is spelled as Rummy, not Rami.

When I play rummy, I play and I depend on my luck. No skill or technique unless someone points it out to me.

Like that time, Hling told me that she knows what tiles I have by how I will move the tile whenever a new tile is introduced to the open table. So, from that time onwards, I no longer move my tiles around and put on my poker face each time the game is on.

Sigh...luck is not enough la... I need to pick up more techniques and skills if i want to win in rummy le...

Change of habit

I remember when I was not so little... I guess it was a few years back... When I was still in secondary school... Dad brought us all to eat at Japanese Restaurant. I am not sure if it is Excapade but we sat in the private room. After eating, Dad told us that this is a once in a LONG while treat 'cause japanese food is quite expensive. I still remember how much it cost at the time. About B$60.

Now... hehe... Everytime I go back to Brunei, surely will go to Excapade... It is no longer a once in a long while thing anymore.... It is becoming a norm.

Mum loves to eat japanese food. I think her Japan trip make her more appreciative of Japanese food. She is quite picky that she thinks Miri's japanese food is horrible. Hehe...

I want...

to change this place...

At first, I want to write all the angry and insensitive and secretive things here....But I decided to change.

It is hard to be bitter and sad and angry all the time... These feelings are not everyday kind of things. I guess I am a happy person most of the time. To be frustrated is not everyday la...

So... this place will be a place to spit out things... random things... feelings.. thoughts...

Invisibility On

Dont think that I understand or know about technology very well. Dont think that I know about computers as well.

I want to remain or seems to be incapable at things. I dont want to make an impression that I know everything or capable at most things. I rather appear to be an idiot. I am not sure why I am like that. Maybe because I dont want to be the one to be responsible if anything goes wrong or if what I did is actually not correct.

But.... somehow... during that time, I was uncovered. 原来 she knows I am good at it. She notices my capability despite me not showing it at all. And she has been asking me ever since then.

Dont know whether to be happy or to be sad le...

Finally...sort of

Due date is finally here. Tonight is like... a complete total rush le...

I lost control of my emotion just now. MF saw me losing it. Erm... That is what lack of sleep do to me. Lack of sleep is like less than 3 hours sleep for the past four days.

Time to sleep. I think I am going to sleep on the table if I dont drag myself to bed now.

SLEEP

Tears

Frustration

Stress

Care too much

I hate it when I care too much.

Heard from tv last night from a former first daughter, Something Davies. She wrote in her memoir that she would provoke her parents so that they would slap her. When they did, she would run quickly to the washroom and look at the red mark on her face. It was a sign to herself that her parents love her.

I dont think I purposely provoke my mum...

Too upset to continue writing...

Arrogant bitch

She has once again crossed the border and pissed me off again.

Last year, she pissed me off when she purposely bad-mouth me in front of our superior. It made me look really bad in front of my superior. Damn her! I spent my time helping her out and looking out for her all that time and she bad mouth about me.

Ever since then, I have not been fond of her. I feel so sick of her. Her antics.

This year, I sense that it will be almost the same as last year. In fact, it has started early.

We are supposed to hand in our monthly report on the first day of each month and almost all of us update our record everyday so that our monthly report can be done quickly. K doesnt do hers. She spent the whole day and a few more days after till our superior ask it from her. Instead of admitting that it is her own fault, she went ranting about how free is everyone else that they are able to update their record everyday. WTF!

Normally, I dont care if she hand in her monthly report or not. It is none of my business.

But when you start to say that you cant do your monthly report as quickly as everyone else and it is because you are busy the whole previous month and everyone else are so free that they can update their record everyday. It really makes my blood boil.

Ridiculous!

Spending less than 5 minutes everyday to update your record is better than spending a few hours to recall back what you have been doing the whole month. Just because we spend some time everyday updating our record doesnt mean we are free. You think you are the only one in the office that is busy? We are busy too but you are not as lazy as you. You can soe asily update everything using the pc. What is the use of your computer if you doesnt fully utilise it? Only know how to talk and there is no action from the words.

Today she went to look at other people's assignment list and commented how little their assignments are. Hers are as high as the mountain.

Then went on to say how you cant proceed with any of the assignmens because the required material are not complete yet. What a bunch of bull shit! What are you doing the whole day then? Doing nothing? What are you doing during over-time? If you really cant proceed on with your work, then you shouldnt be doing any over-time at all. What a cheapskate! You are not happy that other people actually has more overtime than you? Too bad. People worked during their overtime. I doubt you do.

Always pretending that you are Miss Know-It-All. You had me fooled in the beginning, when I was still naive, that you are really great. But actually, you are just a arrogant show-off.

Bitch

To delete or not to delete

Trying to sound as if I am totally unconcerned. I even showed that I will support him in his quest to win her heart. Give him tips and my promise of secrecy. I thought it will be the end of it after last night. I purposely woke up late and then went hill-walking with my advisor to walk off the fats.

Was really surprised to receive text from him. Apparently it has not ended. I still have to deal with him. I wonder if he text her as well. I wonder if she replies his text. Maybe I shouldnt be replying at all.

The hurt to my ego has healed, I guess. Miracle courtesy of my positiveness in life.

Though I doubt that I might be able to really cheer up for another some time.

Still contemplating to leave his texts in my inbox.

I am convinced

I am convinced that my lards of fat is what turns guys off.

They are not interested in me because of my tons of body fats. They can only be friends and that is all they will be.

Looking at the lines on my hands... consulted an amateur palm reader and found out that I should have a few relationships before reaching my right he.

Dont think I ever get a chance to have any relationship if I dont lose one quarter of my current weight. I am just being realistic. A quarter of my weight gone and I should be a normal fit person.

Deep down inside I wish he will see a slimmer me and decide that I am the one. Also knowing at the same time that this might not be possible.

But one can always dream.

The reason for such an outburst from me now at one go is because I feel as if I am going to explode if I dont get this out of my mind.

fine, I lied

I lied...

about not seeing it coming...the first crush him....I saw it coming...I knew that him and her are going to hit it off. I knew that I had no chance whatsoever ever since the hold-hands session I alone witnessed. I pretended I knew nothing. But I couldnt stop myself from hoping that some kind of miracle will happen and he will notice that I am there and I am should be the one for him.

It didnt happen and I really did swear to myself that I will not build any hope in this...

about the second him chatting with me... She was there too... But I didnt know he was hiding his interest in her when he didnt pay much attention to her when he was actually is.

Which was what hurt me the most. My ego. Crushed.

Another him

this him is a him that I have day-dreamt before.

the night we spent chatting with each other. Looking at each other...

My heart fluttered...

Can he be the one?

I spent the next few days thinking about him. Seems to float on the cloud nine.

Could this be another crush?

Or will this him ends like the last him?

Today, I received a piece of information from him... an information that shattered my fragile heart. Leaving me blank-minded. I dont know whether to laugh or cry.

I think I like her.

Another her and he is not my he.

Why do i have to be in this position every single time?! The position to push she to him whom I want to be my he and her he.

God, I wish I am dead.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, I was fascinated by BGR of people of my own age. I have never been interested to know a guy.

There was time when I was totally embarrassed by the fact that people thinks that I have something with a good guy friend. But it was resolved with a little open discussion between me and him. Then, our relationship seems to have gone a step ahead. Something that normal good friends wouldnt do but we did it. The IT that will make my parents and my whole family coming after me and him with knives and guns for doing it. We will be so dead. Somehow this IT was easily forgotten by me.

My ever so weird characteristic. Extreme forgetfulness.

Anyway... my first attempt of a boyfriend proved to be disasterous and totally failure. It was not only weird that my family seems to be approved and yet totally against it. Nevertheless, it flopped and we didnt make it to the happily-ever-after. I been bitter, ignorant and depressed. I wonder if I have truly get over it.

Then, I ventured into my first ever crush experience....

I had day-dreamt of guys that I admired...but they just arent as serious so I dismissed those as day-dreams and not crushes...

this time,I seriously considered this guy as the one for me. But I was destroyed when I saw him holding her hand or was it she holding his hand. I was depressed by what was happening that I was completely moodless and depressed for a couple of days. as ever, my sense of positiveness shone thru and I recovered fast

Sensing an extreme urge to vomit due to the over-the-top compliment of my positiveness... Bluek...

Occassionally I let myself build up hopes and then let the hopes be crushed when I see more development between him and her. Sucks big time. Depression hits me each time this happens and I will pour it out to my few advisors so that I will get over it.

Swearing that I will get over this and start my life anew... I completely accept the fact that me and him will never be me and him after a certain revelation from him.... I swear that I will not be desperate and let nature takes its course.

Characters?

I want to write in pretend names so that I can get away with what I write here. Who knows who might see what I write here.

I guess the first character is me. So since this will be about me, I guess there isnt a need to tell anything about me...

this will be a pour out of what is maybe the truth but in a twisted way. I just need a place to pour out my words.