Exam jitters

Still have eight more modules to go. All together there are nine modules and I have just finished one modules. I have exactly two weeks left. Shit!

I am worried that:
- I will not be able to finish reading everything in two weeks
- I will not be able to understand what I am reading
- I will not be able to pass this paper

I am also worried that I will not able to complete my CPA Mentor Program. I am not sure about my future. Not sure what I should do. I feel as if I am stuck. I cant make up my mind of what to do.

This is so shitty.

Biggest loss ever

A-n achieved the biggest loss ever in our rummy game last night. He lost RM30 plus. It may or may not sounds like a huge amount but if you know our gambling range, you will agree me with me that it is a large amount.

Bunny had a party at her house which is actually meant mainly for her Dad's friends and she invited us along. After helping out with the preparation of the BBQ, we digged into the food.

Which reminds me about something. So embarassing.

BBQ is actually a side dish in the party and so there werent much stuff prepared. Somehow, people were expecting more of BBQ stuff and so some of them went to our BBQ site to have a look. At that time, we had the second and last batch of chicken wings on the plate and planned to save it for ourselves. It was so embarrassing to tell the auntie that the reason we didnt want to bring it over to the guest main table. So embarrassing. Why do I have to be the one?!?!

Some quotes I found on photobucket

To delete or not to delete

Trying to sound as if I am totally unconcerned. I even showed that I will support him in his quest to win her heart. Give him tips and my promise of secrecy. I thought it will be the end of it after last night. I purposely woke up late and then went hill-walking with my advisor to walk off the fats.

Was really surprised to receive text from him. Apparently it has not ended. I still have to deal with him. I wonder if he text her as well. I wonder if she replies his text. Maybe I shouldnt be replying at all.

The hurt to my ego has healed, I guess. Miracle courtesy of my positiveness in life.

Though I doubt that I might be able to really cheer up for another some time.

Still contemplating to leave his texts in my inbox.

Another him

this him is a him that I have day-dreamt before.

the night we spent chatting with each other. Looking at each other...

My heart fluttered...

Can he be the one?

I spent the next few days thinking about him. Seems to float on the cloud nine.

Could this be another crush?

Or will this him ends like the last him?

Today, I received a piece of information from him... an information that shattered my fragile heart. Leaving me blank-minded. I dont know whether to laugh or cry.

I think I like her.

Another her and he is not my he.

Why do i have to be in this position every single time?! The position to push she to him whom I want to be my he and her he.

God, I wish I am dead.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, I was fascinated by BGR of people of my own age. I have never been interested to know a guy.

There was time when I was totally embarrassed by the fact that people thinks that I have something with a good guy friend. But it was resolved with a little open discussion between me and him. Then, our relationship seems to have gone a step ahead. Something that normal good friends wouldnt do but we did it. The IT that will make my parents and my whole family coming after me and him with knives and guns for doing it. We will be so dead. Somehow this IT was easily forgotten by me.

My ever so weird characteristic. Extreme forgetfulness.

Anyway... my first attempt of a boyfriend proved to be disasterous and totally failure. It was not only weird that my family seems to be approved and yet totally against it. Nevertheless, it flopped and we didnt make it to the happily-ever-after. I been bitter, ignorant and depressed. I wonder if I have truly get over it.

Then, I ventured into my first ever crush experience....

I had day-dreamt of guys that I admired...but they just arent as serious so I dismissed those as day-dreams and not crushes...

this time,I seriously considered this guy as the one for me. But I was destroyed when I saw him holding her hand or was it she holding his hand. I was depressed by what was happening that I was completely moodless and depressed for a couple of days. as ever, my sense of positiveness shone thru and I recovered fast

Sensing an extreme urge to vomit due to the over-the-top compliment of my positiveness... Bluek...

Occassionally I let myself build up hopes and then let the hopes be crushed when I see more development between him and her. Sucks big time. Depression hits me each time this happens and I will pour it out to my few advisors so that I will get over it.

Swearing that I will get over this and start my life anew... I completely accept the fact that me and him will never be me and him after a certain revelation from him.... I swear that I will not be desperate and let nature takes its course.