Held myself back

I nearly shouted at her. Nearly wanted to tell her that I dont want to do it anymore. Nearly wanted to tell her that she is getting very annoying.... But I didnt. I held in..

Must do something to make my luck turn better... Feel like everything is very bad at the moment...

Looking forward to this praying ritual thingy..going to be soon. I cant wait actually...

Talked to Grand Uncle this morning... Felt like I am the mat salleh speaking chinese. but I am speaking hokkien, a dialect that I should mastered but I didnt... Gosh... it was so weird...

Thought I am turning into an insomniac but I am getting sleepy so Good News!! Haha...

Fudge!!

Contrary to what you might think... Fudge that I am saying is not the dessert type of fudge.... It is... FUDGE!!!

It is a replacement of another word... It just popped into my mind.

Anyways, the 'creature' I am saving now is almost recovered. I hope there will be no complication but... my senior told me that I will need to go into habitat of the 'creature.'

Geezz... Have to sit rigidly in a room full of people that I dont know and be really professional looking. I am already dreading it...

Why?!?!?

It seems like a lot of responsibilities are placed on to me....

Which reminds me of the incident on Friday. I am quite pissed off by it. I was already rushing thru this 'save the creature' project and yet this more-senior-than-me person told a junior to come and tell me to help the junior to attend a client. I was immediately confused because CAN'T SHE SEE THAT I AM RUSHING THS PROJECT? WHAT HAPPEN TO THE OTHERS? CANT THEY ATTEND THE CLIENT. I AM RUSHING A PROJECT THAT IS DUE THIS FUDGING MONTH. WHAT DUE DATE IS THE OTHERS RUSHING MONTH? FUDGING APRIL AND JUNE. WHICH IS MORE URGENT? MINE OR THEIR. SO FUDGING STUPID!

Fine... I attended the client. FUDGE! Damn long-winding client. SHE THINKS SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS WORKING IN B. AND NOT EARNING WELL BECAUSE B.'S ECONOMY IS NOT DOING WELL. Told her that she can go and make a cheaper travelling pass and she told me that it is too risky and all the other shit talk. Gave a lot fudging shit talk that I wish I can slap her and tell her to fudging grow up and be her own age.

Argh... As someone who is more senior than I am, should she be more aware of the fact that my project is so much urgent than the rest that I need to be given the time to do it instead of telling me to attend such client who wasted one hour of my time.

OHMIGOSH... I AM SO FUDGING PISSED OFF.

Saving the creatures

I feel like I have been placed in a position whereby I have to be the saviour. I am not trying to say that as if I am being very godly or nice or anything good... It is a strain to me.

I cant exactly say out what I am facing... so I am characterising that this thing is called little creatures...

There are a few troubled creatures... Messed-up creatures... Somehow, I always end up being the one saving these creatures... Cleaning them up... Making them ok... So far, I think I have saved quite a few. Somehow, I feel like the others arent doing the same as I am... Those that does the same are still in the mid process and doesnt seems to be progressing at all. I dont know if not progressing at all is good or progressing quickly like mine is better...

Frustration.

Then... I feel like I am losing my purpose of life again. I am forgetting what are my goals. I feel so upset and... I dont know. I am getting too weird nowadays.

Gasp!

ohmigosh... the forum I usually go for my daily dose of Tohoshinki is closed for clean-up. It will only be opened on Friday. Cant wait for the arrival of Friday.

Tomorrow, I will start working. The next offday will possibly be during Chinese New Year. This year CNY holidays, some people in the office arent happy with it because we lose out on the weekends. For me, it made no difference 'cause it will still be the same.... the insensitivity that I have.

At this moment, I am coughing non stop.. possibly because of the dry throat. Time to drink water. Lots of water

Must remember

Promised JL to help her with the scanning of some document.

Must remember to do

Must remember to do

Btw, laptop has been on for the past ..erm... five days with a quick restart on day 2. Been downloading stuff. Hmm...

Bonus from work this year is satisfying. Hmm... Superior thinks that I might be unhappy to get much less than the anticipated portion of the separately-paid bonus but honestly, I think it is better that it is separately paid so many portion. I wouldnt go and spend it all at one go. It is actually good for me. Haha...

Not in Speaking Term

We never quarrel.

We never said it out in the open.

We just stop.

I dont know. Is it my fault or hers? Should I approach her again?

I guess not. Somehow, the friendship has gone. Eh! We dont quarrel le. If she really appreciate our friendship, then she should be the one asking me why I stop talking to her. and not being so...err...argh! never mind

Taking a risk

Each time I have a 'deep' conversation with her, I have a sense of taking a risk. Risk of been uncovered.

I try to remind myself that I should not be too straight-forward. Too honest. Too open.

What if it back-fires on myself?

I hope not. I really hope not.

Invisibility On

Dont think that I understand or know about technology very well. Dont think that I know about computers as well.

I want to remain or seems to be incapable at things. I dont want to make an impression that I know everything or capable at most things. I rather appear to be an idiot. I am not sure why I am like that. Maybe because I dont want to be the one to be responsible if anything goes wrong or if what I did is actually not correct.

But.... somehow... during that time, I was uncovered. 原来 she knows I am good at it. She notices my capability despite me not showing it at all. And she has been asking me ever since then.

Dont know whether to be happy or to be sad le...

Arrogant bitch

She has once again crossed the border and pissed me off again.

Last year, she pissed me off when she purposely bad-mouth me in front of our superior. It made me look really bad in front of my superior. Damn her! I spent my time helping her out and looking out for her all that time and she bad mouth about me.

Ever since then, I have not been fond of her. I feel so sick of her. Her antics.

This year, I sense that it will be almost the same as last year. In fact, it has started early.

We are supposed to hand in our monthly report on the first day of each month and almost all of us update our record everyday so that our monthly report can be done quickly. K doesnt do hers. She spent the whole day and a few more days after till our superior ask it from her. Instead of admitting that it is her own fault, she went ranting about how free is everyone else that they are able to update their record everyday. WTF!

Normally, I dont care if she hand in her monthly report or not. It is none of my business.

But when you start to say that you cant do your monthly report as quickly as everyone else and it is because you are busy the whole previous month and everyone else are so free that they can update their record everyday. It really makes my blood boil.

Ridiculous!

Spending less than 5 minutes everyday to update your record is better than spending a few hours to recall back what you have been doing the whole month. Just because we spend some time everyday updating our record doesnt mean we are free. You think you are the only one in the office that is busy? We are busy too but you are not as lazy as you. You can soe asily update everything using the pc. What is the use of your computer if you doesnt fully utilise it? Only know how to talk and there is no action from the words.

Today she went to look at other people's assignment list and commented how little their assignments are. Hers are as high as the mountain.

Then went on to say how you cant proceed with any of the assignmens because the required material are not complete yet. What a bunch of bull shit! What are you doing the whole day then? Doing nothing? What are you doing during over-time? If you really cant proceed on with your work, then you shouldnt be doing any over-time at all. What a cheapskate! You are not happy that other people actually has more overtime than you? Too bad. People worked during their overtime. I doubt you do.

Always pretending that you are Miss Know-It-All. You had me fooled in the beginning, when I was still naive, that you are really great. But actually, you are just a arrogant show-off.

Bitch