Another frustration

These days, I think it is all about bottled-up frustration. I find myself keeping all my negative thoughts inside me because I dont want to bore people with my frustrations. I also feel that people arent been understanding of me.

How so?

Been boring to other people. Believe it or not, I am a person who wants to please others. I want to be interesting to me. Thus, I dont want to keep repeating things that I have said before or do things that I think will make people hate me.

Then again, recently, I have been, sort of, contradicting myself. Example, I dont curse because it is an act of a well-mannered girl. But then, in my previous post, the word 'fuck' came out repetitively. So, I guess I am not as well-mannered as I thought I am. Errr... actually, my vocabulary on vulgar words is quite limited.

Ah! My thoughts are so mixed at the moment.

About the part of people not been understanding of me... One situation is if I finally broke down. I have given up. I cant go on anymore. I decided to get some comfort from someone. But then, it frustrates me when this person, instead of supporting me (as in agreeing with me), criticizes me for being not keeping up with what I am sick of doing. All the blame is on me. Effect of this situation is that I dont dare to seek for comfort from other people anymore. I am keeping it in me. Bottled it up.

My upbringing has made me a person I am today. But my surroundings has affected me as well. i feel so much like a two-faced person.

Hmmm... I am becoming more and more frustrated at this moment. Cant continue to write. Darn...