Weakening resolution

i think my resolution is getting weaker and weaker. which is like really bad because I really need to keep it up.

I need to continue reminding myself of what I want to achieve.

Then, I am also worried of the fact that I seems to be quite lost about what to do about my future. my future.. i mean the 5-year plan. My current plan is almost at its end. I have achieved...well, still in the process of achieving... what I need to achieve.

Ah! Be strong!

Black-painted fingernails

He once told me that black fingernails doesnt suit me. I dont have 'it' to carry such look.

I still wonder what is this 'it' that he means.

But one thing though... whenever I hold that bottle of black nail polish, I will think about this. I will think of what he said and I will put the nail polish back without painting my nails.

Delusion

I must be really desperate or something.

Anyways... I think I need to write this down to make sure that I will not be thinking too much about it. Write it and be done with it.

Erm...Know what? This is too scattered to write down. It will not make sense. In fact, this post is starting to make no sense.

My the other blog is... where I really put a lot of effort to make sure what I write make sense but here... I want to write whatsoever even if it doesnt make sense. So..here goes..

Look of self-disgust
Look of envy
Shots of embarassment
Stop staring!

I look at myself with disgust.
The layer of fats... I dont look flattering at all.
I envy those people who are slim and... most possibly healthy.
I hope my determination to slim down will last... honestly...

Then...there is this thought of this possibility although I kept telling myself that it is an impossible. Kind of shitty really.

Ah! I am going to sleep. Sleep it off.